Full disclosure: instead of working on my tan and sleeping late on the weekends, this time last year I was fretting over ornate (yet small) flower arrangements, bridesmaid dresses that fit the perfect color scheme (and multiple body types), the pros and cons to buffet or not to buffet, and trying not to break my ankle during dance lessons so my future husband and I could “wow” our wedding guests. As the season of tulle, satin heels and rhinestone tiaras marches on, I must confess, I get a bit sentimental as I pass by the phone-book sized bridal magazines or catch a glimpse of a lovely bride traipsing through a coveted photo-op location.
But the truth be told, behind the iridescence and blush, there sometimes lies something dark and sinister for the bride-to-be: the anxiety dream!
Well…for me and a few of my neurotic friends I should say.
To protect the privacy of those around me, I’ll just divulge in my own insane nocturnal adventures. They ranged from the typical–couldn’t find my undies on the day of, the photographer didn’t show up, there were spiders in my wedding dress (what, not so typical?), to the kitschy…
It seemed to be an evening like any other. I was hanging out with my parents in their dining room (with my sister and my fiance) and we all observered the eerie blackness outside the sliding glass door. It was as if the night sky had simply swallowed up the moon and all the houses in the neighborhood. Nonetheless, we carried on and discussed things like what should we have for dinner and did we remember to spell check the wedding invitations. Suddenly, my mother perked up like a gazelle and peered out the window and asked us if we ‘heard that.’ We all looked at each other puzzled. ‘No…’ someone responded, and my mom looked back at us confused and somewhat alarmed. ’What is it?’ one of us insisted. ‘I don’t know, it was weird…huh, well–’ and then suddenly a small furry creature (cat, squirrel, can’t quite recall, but it was on the cute and helpless side) jumped on to the picnic table on my parent’s deck. We all exhaled and chuckled and shook our heads at my mother. She smiled stiffly and we reassembled a bit around the dining room table.
And then before we could dial our favorite pizza delivery, A MASSIVE T-REX DINOSUAR FOOT STOMPS ON THE PICNIC TABLE, AND ONE OF HIS EXPANSIVE TOES CAME CRASHING THROUGH THE GLASS DOOR AND SLASHED ACROSS MY NECK. Oh, yeah, it was exactly like it happens in horror B-movies–flesh flapping, blood spewing, splinters of glass lodging in places all over the room. Everyone rushed toward me frantic. And the only thing I could say/think at the moment:
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? WE ARE GETTING MARRIED IN A MONTH, HOW IS THIS SCAR GOING TO LOOK IN MY PICTURES?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
And scene.
