May the force be with you as you use your hard-earned allowance on movie tickets and popcorn
What is that I hear? Spaceships and gigantic talking robots? Lasers and things blowing up? Ah, the sounds of summer movie season=the end of the recession?
Obama may have put together an elaborate plan to break us out of this economic crisis, but Hollywood has been busy in back rooms and underground lairs working on their own stimulus package…and my friends, here it is:
May 1 – X-Men Origins: Wolverine (starring Hugh Jackman, Ryan Reynolds and Liev Schreiber, directed by Gavin Hood).
May 8 – Star Trek (Directed by JJ Abrams**, starring Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Simon Pegg and like a thousand other people, holy crap, that list is long!).
May 21 – Terminator Salvation (starring Christian “get out of my sight” Bale, Bryce Dallas Howard and Helena Bonham Carter, directed by McG**)
June 24 – Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Directed by Michael Bay**, starring Shia LeBeouf, Megan Fox, and a lot of the kids from the first movie)
July 17 – Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince (starring all the same old Brits, directed by David Yates)
August 7 – G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra (starring Channing Tatum, Dennis Quaid and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, directed by Stephen Sommers**)
**Member of Hollywood’s Special Forces Economy-Resurrection Unit, a collective of blockbuster directors who live to make geeky/tech-y/built-in fanbase movies that premiere during the summer and will include fast-food, soda, and toy/action figure marketing promotions.
I know I’m getting in on this party a little late in the day, but that’s only because I’ve been on Craigslist all morning looking for a job at a hair salon.
The Circus is in town and our beloved Britney Spears is the ringleader! For reals!
